Authored: December 15, 2023

And then suddenly, i'm alone again. nothing but the wind flowing through the grass and trees to keep me company. my brain tries to find a reason "why wasn't it me, why not me, why not me?". I sway back and forth, hands on the sides of my head like I'm trying to take it off. today was when i realized that my brain is a dangerous place to be. I stand up on my chair while my hands fall to my side. I look around me, first to the left, then the right. I take in the smells of a fresh cut grass and a slightly wet morning dew. the sights of birds going on their first flight of the day, how I would join them soon. I look to the branch my rope is tied upon. I tighten the knot a bit more before fastening the rope on my neck, then kicking the chair from under me. it hurts more than i thought. the last bits of air slip out of me, and I see faint out lines of people coming to help before it all fades to black.

Sit down, stalker. Stay next to me, together we will think about what we experienced in complete silence, under the warmth of a dying fire... I will be happy to share emotions and experiences simply by looking into your eyes....

You wake up in a field
Feeling the warm, fuzzy numbness of a nostalgic dream
You recall your life as fond but distant memories
You remember your friends as the feelings they gave you, but you can't quite make out their faces
You remember your home as the sunshine through its windows
You remember your mother as the warmth in her smile
It all fades like a dream after waking up, but you're going to sleep, and that's ok
You breathe in again and smell a long-forgotten home
and it feel so, so safe.

Every day I think about how one day I will wake up and they just won't be there
And that day is probably going to come soon
It's crazy how anyone could die at any time
Fall and break a skull, just die of a condition no one noticed, an earthquake could just wipe us out, but we're here.

When I think of this world. this life. this anarchist life.
I think of these words.

The last time I’ll ever think of you.

See you.

Feel the warmth of your body.
The warmth of your smile
Your kind and gentle soul.

But I pass on,
Memories fade away like a black and white photograph that’s been tainted with time itself
memories are left behind like a old photo found in a fire
Salty tears are left on most of the things I cherished
Some people will move on.

Others will not.

But my life is to be cherished, not thrown away.
It should be like a childhood toy that’s been played with, looks all mangled and destroyed, due to the good times you’ve had with it.

You may be sad but. Everything must come to an end eventually,
My final words to you.

I love you.

And I always will.

Live the life you want to live, not a life that somebody chooses for you. Remember that it’s your life not anyone else’s.

When it’s time for us to go, don’t dread the day it comes, hope that the other side is better.
life can be meaningful, or meaningless. it's the meaning of life that counts to you
For I shall make my final act, my final speech, my hair flowing in the air from the wind, I look at the sky, shining with stars, "What a beautiful life" I say to myself as I take my final breath, my final moment, my final step, before falling to the void
While there is life, there is hope.
"Hello there, welcome to ... This place, I know it seems boring here, but it's the only place you will call home, the moment you have drawn your last breath, remember that stranger, this is the place where you are born, and to this place you will return." they might say.
Nothing past those Starry Eyes,
No end that waits for me.
You, The Cause, everything dies,
It's good I got to be.
Thank you, though I know it hurts,
Thank you because I'm here.
Thank you, Mrs. Universe.
You're gorgeous, still I'm here.
I'm here.
I really am.
See those mountains over there?"

I never had seen the mountains that were behind the mountains I used to see, but tonight, I did see it. Let me tell you, it's beautiful....

Our home awaits us across the sea.

And for a moment-one beautiful moment--the beauty of it all outweighed the pain.

I'm ready. May the darkness and sleep take me somewhere sweeter. To the memories of you in better times.

You can try so hard to be everything, to be just right, to be just enough.

But somehow, you aren't. And they tell you. And it's all around you. And you can't escape it.

And then you were almost enough.

But again, you just weren't enough.

Am I enough?