Authored: September 30, 2017

Those nights I stayed with you
There was this one time
We had been intimate and then we went to sleep
You turned the light off and you moved onto your side
Away from me
"Good night" you said
I could hear your breathing, feel your body heat
A dark room, so I closed my eyes.

Sleep never came
But you drifted off to bed sated
And yet I was uncomfortable; emotionally crippled
Even though you were beside me
I could reach out and touch you
But I didn't
I heard you softly snore, you were asleep
I could not sleep.

So, I softly left your bed, walked down the stairs slowly
And sat on the lounge
Left the light off and I fought off the doubts
I remembered
How at dinner you asked for my opinion over a matter
Then mocked me
Then ridiculed me
Then said I was wrong
You then heard and saw me clamp up
I drank deeply from my wine glass
Wondering why I was not leaving right then and there.

We left the establishment, and you took my hand in yours
And apologised
I accepted it
Marooned
So, we came back to your place, and you said you loved me
And said you were wrong
A pattern had formed
And you asked me to make love to you.

So here I am now on this lounge
An empty night in this darkness
I took a breath and said tomorrow was a new day
And I stood up and came back to your bed
I lay down and you stirred for a moment
Before sleeping ever more
I slept uncomfortably,
Those nights I stayed with you
Became more and more emptier
A pattern of dissonance and intimacy.

I remember seeing a message on your phone
That you had placed on the bedroom dresser
It lit up...a man, a man I knew
"I am thinking about you. Text me back asap"
I never told you what I saw
Cause I thought I loved you
Thought if I tried harder, we could make it work
A pattern, dissonance
Blurring
Fading
Until no more.